I have been invited as of late to consider what it is that I truly desire. The quick answer would be things like a month long vacation in the Colorado mountains, or new siding on my house. But the answer to this question lies much deeper, buried beneath the rubble of my life.
As I have been reflecting on my desire, I have come to realize that much of my Christian experience has been largely Buddhist in this arena. If I may, as an outsider, condense Buddhist teaching - the elimination of desire is the primary aim. Desire is responsible for the corruption in the world and in self, so says Buddhism. And much of my Christian experience has embraced this approach to desire. I am instructed that "all desire is sinful," according to James 1. I am told that the heart is full of sin, and so the desires that come from it cannot be trusted. And so, I have been taught that to consider my desire, as anything more than a case in point of my brokenness, is dangerous.
I recall the first time I read a little book by C.S. Lewis titled "The Weight of Glory" in which he challenges this Buddhist/Christian approach to desire. If I may paraphrase, he argues that God finds our desires NOT to big, but to small. He wrote that we are much like a small child who is content to play in a mud puddle because we cannot fathom the idea of a vacation at the beach. And so we desire much less than what God would have us to desire. And perhaps as we "grow up" in the faith, we learn to supress our desires for something more because we can't imagine that something better than what we are experiencing might be available to us.
Perhaps one of the reasons that the idea of desire has been missing in my life of faith is that the answers are to be found at such a deep place that I have tended to go about my life without even noticing them. And when they have errupted through the surface of my life, I have quickly supressed them and labeled them as momentary lapses in an otherwise desire-free Christian life. As I have in recent months spent some time considering my desires with God, I have come to realize both holy and broken aspects of myself. Desires that both surprise me and frighten me. Desires that sound very much like the image of God in me, and desires that resonate with my own sinfulness. Only in the presence of the Spirit have I felt free to consider such desires.
So Jesus comes to me and asks me, "What do you want?" "What do you want me to do for you?" And only now am I beginning to realize the answer to that question.
7 comments:
Interesting post. Here's some of my feedback... I've been on a similar journey. Years ago I was challenged to desire what God desires and then He'll answer the desires of my heart. So I began to do that.
Take 1 Timothy 2:3-4 for example. God desires that everyone call on Him and be saved. Super. So I began to pray that prayer, that everyone would. I prayed for revival in the two different cities in which I've lived. I've prayed for my churches, I've prayed for my neighbors. Almost no fruit has come of that. Or at a minimum fruit invisible to me.
I'm not quitting praying for what God desires as my desire but I struggle with what such prayers mean. John says pray according to God's will and it will be done for us. Hmmm... if its God's will, God's desire, that there be many saved, then.... Hmmm...
Yet I must balance this with Jesus saying that the road to destruction is and will be wide. OK. So now where am I???
REV
Thanks for the comments REV. I too have heard this challenge to desire what God desires. But here's the problem...I can't. You have been taking some great actions in an attempt at doing what God desires. But what is it that your soul desires?
Perhaps some of the dilemma is that our use of the word 'desire' often corresponds with what we want in some kind of selfish consumption of goods or relationships. As I have been reading and learning, I have seen 'desire' in a new light. In this way, desire is that which comes from the deepest places of who I am - soul level. So much of what I have been paying attention, and at times trying to change, are the by-products of my desire rather than the desire itself.
So, for example, I am aware that I am a perfectionist. I know that this is not always healthy to live in this sort of way, so I've tried in the past to "let things go." No matter successful I might be I still am driven to do things better and better and better. But recently I have begun to become aware of my desire that motivates my perfectionism. My desire is that fundamentally I want to know that I am good enough. As I sit with that desire in the presence of the Spirit, I now have the opportunity for that desire to be fulfilled or transformed.
So, when Jesus' comes along and asks me "What do you want?" he is asking me what it is that is going on at this soul level with my desire. He asks me to name it to him, and ask whether I really want him to do something with it. This is a very vulnerable place to be, but with the Spirit a very safe place to be.
'desire'... hmmm....sure is a difficult concept to put in perspective....
What does the verse say? 'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart'?
Yet I sure feel guilty about asking God for something that 'I' might desire.... "need" vs "desire".....
... sometimes I find that I put off a request to God because I'm spending so much effort in trying to figure out if I'm in His will in asking in the first place.... and would He grant the desires of my heart (providing I'm walking in His will) without my asking because He knows what they are already...
..and as I think about it more, at what point does desire become a yearning... and at that point it seems that desire becomes a past wish or dream and becomes a longing in/from my soul...
Ronda
Desires apart from desiring what God desires... ok here goes...
I desire peace: I don't like it when people are at "war" with each other (and, selfishly, especially with ME)
I desire affirmation: I don't like it when people don't like me
I desire relationship with my wife and daughters - each in its own unique way and with various subset desires
I desire security of a steady paycheck
I desire to get my way in all things
I desire that people leave me alone and that all their problems would be magically fixed
OK, we're starting to scratch too deeply now. Thanks for the challenge Jeff, but its beginning to get terribly uncomfortable and I don't like that.
With great honesty,
REV
Yes REV...you are scratching very deep. And it is precisely because of the vulnerability that is required to get to this level that most of us try to keep these desires hidden or deny that they exist.
Simply noticing what is going on deep inside of me is the first step, and as you've said, one of the more difficult to do because of what it reveals in me that I don't want to admit is there.
So now that you have done this difficult but good work, you have the opportunity to allow the Spirit to hold you and your desires in his loving presence. I suspect that he wants to transform some of those desires that you listed into something more loving, joyful, peaceful, etc.
Personally, I have the tendency to look at all of the desires that are motivating my life - especially the broken ones - and become overwhelmed with the work that needs to be done. But I have been encouraged as of late to pick ONE and bring that with me to God. In doing that I am inviting him to transform my desire, and working with him in that transformation - one desire at a time.
I continue to appreciate Dallas Willard's expression that God desires to make me into the kind of person who naturally does the things that Jesus does. So I join him in his transforming work (Willardism - "Grace is oppossed to earning, not effort") in my life so that I become a new person from those deep places on out.
So may the uncomfortableness of identifying those deep places of desire in us not deter us from remaining vulnerable to the Spirit and to others who will hold us and our desires in a transforming love.
In Love,
Jeff
Boy, I have to say, Jeff, since reading your initial thoughts on desire a couple weeks ago I have been haunted the word ‘desire’.
I agree with REV that it is sometimes a place to go that is very uncomfortable (and, to me) complicated….
I’m finding that I have both ‘temporary’ desires and ‘life long’ desires. And, that some of each of these desires may not be what God desires of/from me….
Oh, I usually pray about my desires, but maybe in the context that if I remember to talk to God about that desire the outcome will be favorable!
Hence, my struggle becomes a constant examination of myself to find what are truly my motives/reasons for that desire (which in and of itself is a tiring process!)… So, I find myself rationalizing with God all the benefits (to me, of course) for the ‘granting’ of that desire…
I have a feeling that I’m not done sorting this out! My greatest sole desire is know God (Triune God) and that the fruit of my life would be reflective of that desire….
Hey Bob...I'm reposting your comment on the "Desire" post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Bob said, most of my desires are
hidden. I guess one of my most
desires is to be a better follower
of jesus. To keep him first in
everything i do------ I know i dont
do that.
some times to use my words more
carefully so i dont hurt anyone.
I feel that i am very blessed to
have family & friends & a god
who loves me.
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